Best Weekend!

Who would have thought it would be Snow to make us all so happy. We had hot chocolate, and played in the snow. It brought back so many fond memories. John loved to be out in the snow. making Snowmen, snow angels or taken the kids sledding.. We all laughed and carried on this weekend. Jash Kenzie, and I all talked about the memories we shared with their daddy. I have found myself in a rut! I know there are things I need to do. Is it weird I don't want to be 100 % happy. It's hard to say. I just miss him so much.. That will never change, I was blessed this week by selling John's Deer feeders that was an answer to many prayers.
John's head stone should be half way finished this week. Maybe no more mistakes.. One can only hope anyways... I wanted to share a happy moment because I know so much of my life these days aren't so happy.. Oh I do have a huge prayer request for Kenzie she is making good grades and studies so hard but when it comes to the Taks test she didn't do so well So now she will have three in the Month of April to take. one is a retake. Please pray she will do well. Thanks all.

The sad face could have just been the way I have felt this past week, I have been waiting and waiting to have John's Head stone finished. I hear over and over again should be soon.. Every other week I call the monument place to check on the Status, found out it was finished BUT! Oh yes a big But. It would have to be redone. After the military didn't help pay for the Bronze I changed everything and was adding a picture of our Jeep. It's a picture of John climbing and getting some air. Looks like he is driving into the clouds.
The picture turned out awful and you couldn't even tell what it was.. . I could feel my heart drop. I cried it's something that has caused stress and sleepless nights. I want John to have his stone. The kids and I need him to have his stone. I was told the stone it self would be layed this week but with out the picture. The picture will take some more time.
You know I miss John so deeply. and still have days I don't Believe he is gone.
Or maybe I just don't want to face reality.
Can I just say sometimes Reality Sucks!
I do thank God, I thank God every day for the blessings I do have and the Blessings I did have.
John was a huge Blessing! I see him in our beautiful kids, In Kenzie's eye's in Jash's ways.. The family knows what I mean Jash has so much of his dad in him.
Jash has tried to be a handy man. He knows things break around the house and being the sweet ( stubborn) kid he is He has tried to help. I also have wonderful friends who help me with things there is No way I could fix. Mostly with the Jeeps. I can fix little things around the house but when it comes to my Jeeps I'm clueless. So to my friends, Clint, Allen, & Jackie thank you so much for helping me keep my Jeeps up and running. Driving the orange Jeep makes me feel closer to John. I have to keep it going which Keeps me going.. This weekend I went to The Ranch with the club and it was the first time in Johns Jeep. I had tried once before But the Jeep broke before we even got in down in the Canyon..
The last time John was down in the Canyon was the Challenge. I remember heading to the gas station and after John pumped gas and Jash and I got a Monster drink. we all got back into the truck and John had a glow in his eyes. The last year of Johns life his glow was something we didn't see much of. But that day I saw it and I even told him he was back!
He at first he looked at me like I was crazy! But I saw him .
Later months later right before he passed he told me he knew what I meant. That he knew part of him was gone. Two weeks later John went to heaven. So going to the Canyon this weekend has a new meaning for me and I couldn't have gone if it weren't for my hero's who keep my JEEP up and running. Here is a picture of me driving in the Canyon.. I have to say I'm pretty darn proud of my self for even trying half the trails I do. I'm telling ya he is with me...

On a happier note. Things are pretty OK. Kenzie and Jash are doing good in school and getting great grades. We had a good Spring Break. I got the kids a new Wii game and we are enjoying it. We stayed up late and enjoyed being around each other.. I think my kids are the best kids in the world. We do have our wonderful moments and our happy moments. Kids go back to school tomorrow.

I will ask you all to please Pray and hard. My dear friend Mikka is back in the hospital she is having a hard time right now. Just lifts her and her family up. God bless..

Not really sure where to begin, Last time I posted I was asking for prayers for other's, My heart fills so heavy right now. Connor Deal a 6th grader at Bonham and in Jash's Car pool passed away, It breaks my heart, Jash and I went to the visitation for Connor and I felt so bad for his parents. John always said he was ok being sick as long as it wasn't one of our babies. Please continue to pray for the Deals.
Yesterday Rick Owens passed away from Cancer, He also had two children. I was thinking there as been four deaths of people I have known already this year. I'm ready for better news, up lifting news ( something)..
My Friend April her dads company layed off 250 people this week, my dads company layed off several. The Rail Road layed off several I'm ready for that CHANGE we have all heard is coming..
There as been some good news My Friend Brande is expecting her first baby this Summer. I'm so excited for her and DJ they just bought their first home and now a baby.
Today I'm at home with Kenzie who threw up most of the night I sure hope it's just a 24 hour bug. Poor thing she is so excited about the field trip to WT tomorrow. I sure hope she can go.. Pray for her.

As for me things are ok, I wouldn't say great but ok.. I haven't been to one of my Grief Share classes in a couple of weeks and I'm really thinking that's for the best.. Maybe I waited too long to start going in the first place. But I don't want to keep reliving what as happened to our lives. I know what happened and it hurts and it sucks. I miss John daily. But the reminder every Monday isn't helping it's like taken me back to when it first happened. I'm sure some day my heart will heal some but it's going to take a lot of time for my heart to heal..
I ran into a friend who also lost his wife, she passed away two days before John and he kept telling me he as done better since he as moved on. I cried and said Just not ready. Someday I will just not yet.
I find it important to mention my blessing's everyone can pray for the bad but I also like to pray for the blessings in my life.
My kids, I love them so much and they are true blessings from God.
My family, Their support has helped me in ways I cant express.
My friends the girls and guys God as sent me some true angels without them I know I couldn't have done this with out them.. There is so many to list that I'm thankful for I just hope each of them know what they have meant to me.
Some of which are like Brothers and sister's and a few are a bit crazy but that's why I love them.. Ok off to take care of the ill..( Kenzie ) Have a blessed day all !!
please continue to pray for those who have lost their loved ones, those who have been sick, and those who have lost their Jobs. God Bless..