Week four during Grief Share

This week for Grief Share class we focused on losing a spouse. I didn't just lose my Husband I also lost our hopes and dreams. The dream of having someone to grow old with. Watching this weeks video just made me more sad. This is why I'm not so sure these classes are helping.
We talked about the loneliness that it brings and how friends leave you behind.
I have been confronted by losing friends, John's friends. Friends who I thought would always be here. Not to just help when things are broke but friends to lean on and take my son hunting.
We talked about how men don't know how to act when a friend passes.
It was brought up maybe it's hard on them being around me and the kids because before it was always John, myself and the kids. . You can really learn a lot about people after someone dies.
I prayed last night for those friends.
I'm even thinking about writing a letter to one. John really cherished their friendship, and I just want David to know if he is also grieving it's ok. We all miss John, and to let David know I pray for him.
We talked about finding a new identity, They said I have to accept the fact I'm now single. I'm not a wife. I'm just me. Well it sucks!!
Even writing that makes me sick. It's so overwhelming.
We talked about how different it is for a man than it is for a women. One lady said.. Men replace,, women pace... I can believe that..
I have had a lot of anxiety.. there are so many things I have to learn how to do. fixing tail lights, plumbing problems, homework with the kids, It seems right now my world as fallen. I have so many broken things and really have no idea how to fix them. here is just a short list of broken items.. dishwasher (since before Christmas) lawn mower, sprinkler system, tail light, Jeep as problem starting. the list could really go on. Urg!!!!
So tonight I will pray... "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" 1 peter 5:7
: But I trust in you,O Lord I say' you are my God, My times are in your hands. Psalm 31:14-15

I do have an awesome God.. I have been blessed with two wonderful Children, a great family, and friends. to which I am very grateful for.
Tonight I'm going to dinner with friends to celebrate one of my best friends birthday's April. I'm a lucky girl to have such wonderful friends.
Because this being the week of losing a spouse I'm posting a picture from our wedding July 8th 1994