I just went to my 3rd grief share class. The class it self went much easier than the last two. You talk about the person you loss and share with the group what ever you feel like sharing. Talking about John is hard but I enjoy talking about him. John was always my best friend in my life and I miss him but I want to be able to talk about him in front of other and it not seem weird.
Next week we are talking about losing a spouse.. That class may be the hardest yet to come.
You know it may be easy for other's to judge me and to think my life is too much Drama. But It's my drama I didn't ask for it, It just happened. People may put them self's into my Drama if it should be called that but till you have been where I'm at you have no idea what someone is going through.
I'm trying to learn how to live my life without what I thought was the main part.
It's like biscuits and gravy my favorite breakfast I no longer have my gravy so I have to learn how to eat my biscuits with something different like Jelly or just butter.
Ok that might not sound hard to some but for me it's very difficult. I guess I just called John my gravy. Now I can see him shacking his head calling me a dork.
That's why I loved him...
all in all this past week went by pretty easy. The only big stress I have is my taxes... Oh How I hate this time of year. John always said I let things get to me that I shouldn't. John being the smartest man I have known I guess he was right.
I will be glad to have Thursday over though that's when I meet with my tax lady.
On a brighter note Jash's 14th birthday is Saturday the 7th. We are having his birthday Friday night at Church I just hope he as a wonderful day. On his Birthday we have a wedding to attend, PLEASE pray I can do this. I'm so scared.. It will be my first wedding. I have thought a lot about my wedding but what makes me sadder is Kenzies... Just pray for us..
also here is a list to pray for..
Rick Owens who is battling cancer
Shelia who is also battling cancer
Mikka Lamberson my dear friend who has the same Leukemia as John.
Larry Mclain who lost his mother today
My friend Jennifer who is getting married Saturday pray for a happy marriage
Just pray for everyone, and make sure to say Thanks for what you do have.
I pray for everyone in my grief Share classes everyone there as their own hurt and I pray God will heal their pain.
I'm thankful for two wonderful children,and family and great friends who have stayed beside me through the hardest time and didn't bail because it was too hard on them. Mostly I thank God for giving me the time I had with John. The memories I will hold dear to my heart.
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Monday, February 2, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Saturday is over
It was a busy weekend, Saturday morning I was in the shower by 6.30am to get ready for Bobby Dales funeral. My stomach and I weren't doing so well. I have a nervous stomach and any time I'm stressed out it just about kills me and I wonder why after John died I got an ulcer.
I left for the funeral by 9.00 am to go pick up Brandon Kings kids, Brandon rode his Harley. I worry about him also that makes two friends in a years time to have lose. I took my camera because I knew there would be lots of bikes and there was. I'm going to say 70.
Bobby Dale would have been so touched. It's kind've like at Johns Funeral and we had all the Jeeps except a lot of the Jeeps couldn't come because so many aren't street legal. Tina also did a slide show and like always I think that's the better thing to do at funerals these days. It really shows what the person was like. She also picked some of the same songs I did. I have to say my heart was hurting but I could just see Bobby Dale and John together. Maybe watching the service. I miss him more and more everyday. After the funeral I had a bridal Shower, I still had my kids but was still going even knowing I couldn't stay long. I didn't take the invention with me but knew it was at Trinity. WRONG! So when I showed up at Trinity fellowship out by Randall guess what No bridal shower they were all at Trinity Baptist. So I'm a big idiot and missed Jennifer's Bridal shower. Now I feel bad. Then it was off to the river to meet up with the Jeep club for the Christmas tree burning. Let me tell you that's a lot of emotions for one day. sick,sad, lost, excited, happy, cold, and then tired. It was a good way to end a sad day.
We all bundled up and stood by the fire Let me say wearing carhartt's can make you look 100% bigger, but we were warm. This is a picture of Brande, Roxanne, and myself.. I love each of my friends. I think I smiled all night. I'm ready for a new week, and hope full it will be a better week.
I left for the funeral by 9.00 am to go pick up Brandon Kings kids, Brandon rode his Harley. I worry about him also that makes two friends in a years time to have lose. I took my camera because I knew there would be lots of bikes and there was. I'm going to say 70.
Bobby Dale would have been so touched. It's kind've like at Johns Funeral and we had all the Jeeps except a lot of the Jeeps couldn't come because so many aren't street legal. Tina also did a slide show and like always I think that's the better thing to do at funerals these days. It really shows what the person was like. She also picked some of the same songs I did. I have to say my heart was hurting but I could just see Bobby Dale and John together. Maybe watching the service. I miss him more and more everyday. After the funeral I had a bridal Shower, I still had my kids but was still going even knowing I couldn't stay long. I didn't take the invention with me but knew it was at Trinity. WRONG! So when I showed up at Trinity fellowship out by Randall guess what No bridal shower they were all at Trinity Baptist. So I'm a big idiot and missed Jennifer's Bridal shower. Now I feel bad. Then it was off to the river to meet up with the Jeep club for the Christmas tree burning. Let me tell you that's a lot of emotions for one day. sick,sad, lost, excited, happy, cold, and then tired. It was a good way to end a sad day.
We all bundled up and stood by the fire Let me say wearing carhartt's can make you look 100% bigger, but we were warm. This is a picture of Brande, Roxanne, and myself.. I love each of my friends. I think I smiled all night. I'm ready for a new week, and hope full it will be a better week.Sunday, January 4, 2009
Reliving the pain ( RIP)
It's been awhile since I have posted in my Blog and so many things have happened. Christmas was ok it wasn't anything that I have been use to in past years. I went to South Georgia's Church on Christmas Eve and it was a nice service wasn't what I thought I was going to it wasn't a candle light service but still very nice. It's all about celebrating Christ any how.. I cant say enough how thankful I truly am for the blessings in my life. I also came to realize just how lonely I am. Some people like being single and maybe were meant to be just that. I don't believe I am one of those people.
But the idea of being with someone else scares me. The year anniversary of Johns death has come and gone and a new year. On the year mark of Johns death Johns friend Bobby Dale was put into Hospice. The kids and I had gone to the cemetery to say a prayer in which we had included Bobby Dale to that prayer and an hour later Tina called to tell me that Bobby was put in to Hospice. It brought back so many memory's of last year. Then on January 3rd the anniversary of the day we put John to rest Bobby Dale went to Heaven and the bitter sweet part is that I could see in my heart them together and Tina feeling the same pain I felt when John passed away. It's truly like reliving the pain once again.
The pictures I am posting are of Bobby Dale,Tina and my best friend Kelly. The pictures were taken during Johns Funeral 1-03-08. The first picture Bobby Dale is asking me to get into the picture. My first thought was I didn't need to be in a picture I felt like crap and my looks proved that. I said last year that date was the worst day of my life.
Till you have to put the love of your life in the ground,and you know you will never get to see them, hold them.or talk to them. I cant explain the pain that brings.
I know John loved me and it was unconditional. It makes my heart ache. I'm not sure I will ever
have that kind of love back in my life. I know God gave me John and I'm thankful. I would never want to change the life we shared.
Even knowing what would happen.
We had the John Collins Memorial run at the river on the 1st and it was so much fun. I hope John would have been proud of me.
I can honestly say I love to be out on the trails.
Sitting here tonight I cant help but wonder how Tina is holding up. I was over there last night and she seemed to be doing pretty well. But I know deep down her heart is broken and then it will hit her that he is gone.
It didn't hit me right away either. It now hits me everyday. I hope I can be there for Tina maybe we can help each other during this. I'm glad Bobby Dale isn't in pain any longer. I'm just sad that he had to go..
I hope everyone realizes how short life is. We all take way to much for granted. Love the ones you have cherish the moments you share, Tonight I pray for Tina... May God heal her pain.
But the idea of being with someone else scares me. The year anniversary of Johns death has come and gone and a new year. On the year mark of Johns death Johns friend Bobby Dale was put into Hospice. The kids and I had gone to the cemetery to say a prayer in which we had included Bobby Dale to that prayer and an hour later Tina called to tell me that Bobby was put in to Hospice. It brought back so many memory's of last year. Then on January 3rd the anniversary of the day we put John to rest Bobby Dale went to Heaven and the bitter sweet part is that I could see in my heart them together and Tina feeling the same pain I felt when John passed away. It's truly like reliving the pain once again.
The pictures I am posting are of Bobby Dale,Tina and my best friend Kelly. The pictures were taken during Johns Funeral 1-03-08. The first picture Bobby Dale is asking me to get into the picture. My first thought was I didn't need to be in a picture I felt like crap and my looks proved that. I said last year that date was the worst day of my life.
Till you have to put the love of your life in the ground,and you know you will never get to see them, hold them.or talk to them. I cant explain the pain that brings.
I know John loved me and it was unconditional. It makes my heart ache. I'm not sure I will ever
have that kind of love back in my life. I know God gave me John and I'm thankful. I would never want to change the life we shared.Even knowing what would happen.
We had the John Collins Memorial run at the river on the 1st and it was so much fun. I hope John would have been proud of me.
I can honestly say I love to be out on the trails.
Sitting here tonight I cant help but wonder how Tina is holding up. I was over there last night and she seemed to be doing pretty well. But I know deep down her heart is broken and then it will hit her that he is gone.
It didn't hit me right away either. It now hits me everyday. I hope I can be there for Tina maybe we can help each other during this. I'm glad Bobby Dale isn't in pain any longer. I'm just sad that he had to go..
I hope everyone realizes how short life is. We all take way to much for granted. Love the ones you have cherish the moments you share, Tonight I pray for Tina... May God heal her pain.
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