Reliving the pain ( RIP)

It's been awhile since I have posted in my Blog and so many things have happened. Christmas was ok it wasn't anything that I have been use to in past years. I went to South Georgia's Church on Christmas Eve and it was a nice service wasn't what I thought I was going to it wasn't a candle light service but still very nice. It's all about celebrating Christ any how.. I cant say enough how thankful I truly am for the blessings in my life. I also came to realize just how lonely I am. Some people like being single and maybe were meant to be just that. I don't believe I am one of those people.
But the idea of being with someone else scares me. The year anniversary of Johns death has come and gone and a new year. On the year mark of Johns death Johns friend Bobby Dale was put into Hospice. The kids and I had gone to the cemetery to say a prayer in which we had included Bobby Dale to that prayer and an hour later Tina called to tell me that Bobby was put in to Hospice. It brought back so many memory's of last year. Then on January 3rd the anniversary of the day we put John to rest Bobby Dale went to Heaven and the bitter sweet part is that I could see in my heart them together and Tina feeling the same pain I felt when John passed away. It's truly like reliving the pain once again.


The pictures I am posting are of Bobby Dale,Tina and my best friend Kelly. The pictures were taken during Johns Funeral 1-03-08. The first picture Bobby Dale is asking me to get into the picture. My first thought was I didn't need to be in a picture I felt like crap and my looks proved that. I said last year that date was the worst day of my life.
Till you have to put the love of your life in the ground,and you know you will never get to see them, hold them.or talk to them. I cant explain the pain that brings.
I know John loved me and it was unconditional. It makes my heart ache. I'm not sure I will ever

have that kind of love back in my life. I know God gave me John and I'm thankful. I would never want to change the life we shared.
Even knowing what would happen.
We had the John Collins Memorial run at the river on the 1st and it was so much fun. I hope John would have been proud of me.
I can honestly say I love to be out on the trails.
Sitting here tonight I cant help but wonder how Tina is holding up. I was over there last night and she seemed to be doing pretty well. But I know deep down her heart is broken and then it will hit her that he is gone.
It didn't hit me right away either. It now hits me everyday. I hope I can be there for Tina maybe we can help each other during this. I'm glad Bobby Dale isn't in pain any longer. I'm just sad that he had to go..
I hope everyone realizes how short life is. We all take way to much for granted. Love the ones you have cherish the moments you share, Tonight I pray for Tina... May God heal her pain.