Just a bad Morning

I woke up this morning like I do most mornings. I looked around the house and I still have my Christmas boxes out that need to go to the shed. I had dishes in the sink because my dishwasher has been broke for weeks. Kids didn't want to get up and I was moving slow. Pulled up to get Campbell Jash's friend for school and couldn't get a hold of him. So I took my kids to school. When I pulled up at Bonham it hit me It's Wednesday and they don't go to school till 8.40am so my son was an hour early and that explains why Campbell wasn't answering my call.
So I drove back home with Jash and now we are waiting for the right time to leave.
I feel like I have been off my routine way too long.
But how do you get back on routine when everything is so different. I know it's been a year since John passed away but too me I can still seed things the same. I really hate all this. My life was all about my family and John. We worked around his schedule. We cooked dinner when it was better for him. I cleaned when it was better for him. He worked for the Rail road so if he had just gotten off work early morning's I couldn't be vacuuming.
I'm still LOST!!! I don't know where I belong or what I should be doing. I take care of my kids but I know all the changes have to be hard on them too. I have been real depressed lately and maybe that's because we lost Bobby Dale and it's brought back all the memories of last year at this time. I signed up for some grieve share classes at Hillside Christian that should be starting real soon. I sure pray it helps me some. I miss John every day. This morning I wanted to call him and ask when would he be home. I haven't done that in a while. Sad part is it felt so real like he would be coming home. I could really use one of his smart ass remarks followed by one of his hugs. Just missing him more and more.